it’d be one thing if my brother hadn’t thrown a goddamned box at me but I’m just really emotionally unstable and I want to hang out with people I don’t feel like I have to guard myself around right now and so many things lately have been bringing me almost to tears and I don’t know what to do
the future is bleak, of course I’m going to blast my stupid shitty music in my headphones to try and escape
I can’t hurt myself
I can’t hurt anyone around me
I can’t even ball up a piece of paper or throw something
I can’t make a single stupid fucking joke without someone jumping up to me and asking, “Are you okay? Are you alright? are you feeling okay my unstable little buddy?” like they can fucking help me or like they didn’t fucking ask that literally a minute ago
NO, alright? I’m not okay. I’m frustrated and depressed and every time I hear that phrase it sets a fire inside me, it insults me.
"Are you okay?"
haven’t I mentioned that if I’m not okay, you’ll be able to tell? Haven’t I mentioned that if I’m not okay, I probably won’t tell you anyway because there’s nothing you can FUCKING do to help? you’ll just apologize and hope I feel better and I’m sick of that I’m so fucking sick of that
I hate the world and I feel like shit
I feel like shit because I hate the world
I have some sort of defect in me to not be content with reality, so I try to escape through music or stories or what-the-fuck-ever because it hurts less sometimes
I’m such a goddamned pansy
I don’t want to deal with the BIG BAD WORLD because I’m afraid of being a disappointment. I’m depressed because I’m not a special fucking snowflake, exceptions don’t get made for me
I’ll live on
Feb. 24. ‘14